Feb 21, 2011

Today Oswald Chambers taught from the story where Mary pours the expensive perfume on Jesus' feet. The point was that God doesn't really need anything from us, but He wants us to give to Him out of love. What we do doesn't need to be showy or important. We just need to act on the love that is in our hearts. 

new favorite song

Watching you: Rodney Atkins
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jl21aC_Jyhg&feature=related

Feb 20, 2011- Capstone day 1

For my Capstone class I am going to read one My Utmost For His Highest devotion every day and write about it. I have trouble reflecting on things if I don't write about it, so this is like a journal, except anyone can read it... whatever. So here's day 1:

Today’s devotional talked about what God wants from us after telling us to do something. He doesn’t want us to daydream about it, but rather go right away to do what He has told us to.

I guess it’s been sort of hard figuring out what God wants me to do now since I don’t have parents telling me what to do all the time being the voice of God. It’s easier to ignore God when you know you won’t be immediately scolded for it.

Since I haven’t been having devotions lately, church has been my main place to hear from God. Today’s sermon was about being a deep person. Instead of staying shallow in our relationship with God we should go deeper to get to the real treasures that come from following Him. One way to get deeper in our relationship with God is to do what He tells us to…

That’s sort of redundant. God tells me to do what he tells me to do. I guess I need to have more devotions. 

feb 18, 2011

How is it so comforting to know you aren't the only one who thinks being a mom is terribly difficult? It makes life so much lighter to know you're not alone; all across the world there are exhausted, overwhelmed  moms just like you.

Feb 15, 2011

Why feel feelings if they don't matter to anyone significant but myself? 

sunk.

I hate this sick sinking feeling.
It's heavy, gross, and crushing.
I wish to have no feelings at all or to irreparably hurt somebody's heart.
Alternating between wanting to violently strangle someone or hide in a small safe place.
I feel exposed before everyone and taken advantage of.
It feels like turning pale and shaking.
I feel like I'm about to be hurt badly.
I want to vomit.

School

Today I realized why I like school (most classes... not all). Grades consistently reward me for working hard and punish me for being lazy. I know what to expect from school and what it expects from me. School is a stable thing.  I like the grading system. My grades define me. 


Though this has been a lovely thing because grades have motivated me when nothing else could, it is also bad because I am graduating soon. After school I won't have homework :/  Other things in life, such as gardens and relationships, aren't as stable. You can feel like you're giving everything you have, then your plants get infested by bugs or your kids tell you you're being a bad parent and they want to run away. 


The cheesy moral of the story would be that I should find my identity in God and wait for rewards in heaven. It's really true, but difficult... and I'd rather do homework than think deeply about it right now... ugh.

Para mi amor

Sin miedo a nada
Por: Alex Ubago

Me muero por suplicarte
Que no te vayas, mi vida,
Me muero por escucharte
Decir las cosas que nunca digas,
Mas me callo y te marchas,
Mantengo la esperanza
De ser capaz algún día
De no esconder las heridas
Que me duelen al pensar
Que te voy queriendo cada día un poco mas.
Cuanto tiempo vamos a esperar

Me muero por abrazarte
Y que me abraces tan fuerte,
Me muero por divertirte
Y que me beses cuando
Despierte acomodado en tu pecho,
Hasta que el sol aparezca.
Me voy perdiendo en tu aroma,
Me voy perdiendo en tus labios que se acercan
Susurrando palabras que llegan a este pobre corazón,
Voy sintiendo el fuego en mi interior.

CORO
Me muero por conocerte,
Saber que es lo piensas,
Abrir todas tus puertas
Y vencer esas tormentas que nos quieran abatir,
Centrar en tus ojos mi mirada,
Cantar contigo al alba
Besarnos hasta desgastarnos nuestros labios
Y ver en tu rostro cada día
Crecer esa semilla,
Crear, soñar,dejar todo surgir,
Apartando el miedo a sufrir.

Me muero por explicarte
Lo que pasa por mi mente,
Me muero por intrigarte
Y seguir siendo capaz de sorprenderte,
Sentir cada día
Ese flechazo al verte,
Que mas dará lo que digan
Que mas dará lo que piensen
Si estoy loca es cosa mía
Y ahora vuelvo a mirar el mundo a mi favor,
Vuelvo a ver brillar la luz del sol.

CORO
Me muero por conocerte,
Saber que es lo piensas,
Abrir todas tus puertas
Y vencer esas tormentas que nos quieran abatir,
Centrar en tus ojos mi mirada,
Cantar contigo al alba
Besarnos hasta desgastarnos nuestros labios
Y ver en tu rostro cada día
Crecer esa semilla,
Crear, soñar, dejar todo surgir,
Apartando el miedo a sufrir.

CORO
Me muero por conocerte,
Saber que es lo piensas,
Abrir todas tus puertas
Y vencer esas tormentas que nos quieran abatir,
Centrar en tus ojos mi mirada,
Cantar contigo al alba
Besarnos hasta desgastarnos nuestros labios
Y ver en tu rostro cada día
Crecer esa semilla,
Crear, soñar,dejar todo surgir,
Apartando el miedo a sufrir.

orbit

the world orbits around me. 
people. 
with all their happinesses and little social events. 
I sit in the middle. 
and watch. 
and nobody watches me. 

Happiness blog- October 9, 2010

Baby blues comics
Chicken fried
God of justice
Hide your kids song
Somebody's hero
Stronger
This is our God

Awful

Just started my 3 hour shift of tutoring. The first 10 minutes have been eternal. My whole body is made of cement and my head is full of compressed snot. I wish I was in bed. Sunny better not get any ideas about coming out today. I have no energy whatsoever. I'd settle for a c-section at this point.